Wherever You Are, Be There

I love to hike through the woods.  Hiking a very small section of the Appalachian Trail with my husband forced me to be where I was or I would have tripped on stones or fallen off the side of a cliff.  Playing sports, creating art, or playing music engages our senses to the point where we have to be there or suffer the consequences.  Recently, I came across a book entitled “A Sketch & a Prayer,” by Mike “Sketch” Wurman.  Mike is a section hiker on the AT and has written two books which include his own pencil drawings and photos of his AT experience.  While hiking, he ran into a man who’s trail name was “Redlocks”.  Redlocks is a thru-hiker, a different breed.  He sleeps in a hammock and plays guitar on the trail.  He is quoted as saying, “You just have to take the moment.” 

What activity do you engage in that helps you “take the moment”?

I like that phrase, “take the moment”.  Often, we want to by-pass the moment, having it move forward as quickly as possible, without really feeling it. Feeling or “taking the moment” can be difficult and painful. In the technology era, we can become so distracted that we just miss moments.  Parts of our lives pass us by, without us even experiencing them.  We miss sunsets, song birds, and smiles.  We use technology to escape from our feelings and emotions, even the “good” ones.

Walking in nature or practicing yoga are two activities I use to be in the moment.

When we lack connection to breathe, body, and spirit, we become dis-eased.  Dis-ease or uneasiness correlates the feelings of anxiety and can lead to depression.  Life is intense.  The more we engage technology or even life itself, the pressure increases, as we process all the incoming stimuli.  Overwhelming feelings take over like a storm across the clear blue sky.  These clouds are passing.  Instead of trying to defend against them, hide from them, or collect the released water, it may be best to just let the rain fall and get wet.  Then we can dry off and move forward.  If not, we just stay wet.          

“Wherever You are Be There," starts with mindfulness.  Last month I started a class called Mindfulness Fundamentals, through Mindful Schools.

Mindfulness is about attention and awareness.  It is not concentration, a focus on one thing, but rather recognition of your thoughts as they flow through your mind, acknowledging or thanking them, and then bringing your attention back to the moment at hand.  You are only responsible for the moment. Breath is the starting point.  

In times of stress, you have the power to bring mindfulness back to your mind, body, and spirit by being where you are, feeling it, and breathing through it.  This allows space between the chaos.  It allows a moment of pause to silent and calm the inner turmoil and bring your awareness back to the present.  Practice being where you are in order to live life to its fullest potential.

Namaste.

Susan J. McFarland

December 2016

Swirling Fall

Swirling Fall

     It is fall in Michigan.  Leaves are swirling to the ground, as I walk in the crisp air. It has been unusually warm the last few months.  We have moved through an extended summer, right into cool fall temperatures.  Just as the squirrels and wild creatures prepare for the cold days and nights, I too, have pulled out my coats, mittens, hats, and boots, ready at a moment’s notice for the first snow fall.    

Leaves are not the only things swirling in the atmosphere as of late.  Campaign battles are fierce with rhetoric, even more so, with the advent of social media.  Collectively, thoughts are swirling through our heads, not sure of the best place to land or even wanting to land at all.  Staying grounded, focused, and centered is especially difficult during these times.

It is challenging to know what to believe or where your heart and head align.  Yet, as spiritual beings, living in a physical body, this is what we must do.  In all honestly, I do not care for either candidate.  I do not care for the political system that dictates our sole choices and options.  

On the other hand, this is what we have created as a collective and therefore, we must care.  We must first care enough to stay informed, but not oversaturated.  We must care to voice our opinion and vote.  As a woman, I will vote, because my sisters fought hard to win this privilege for me.  It is a privilege.  We need to exercise it or fear losing it again.  

We must stand up for our rights as citizens, as the indigenous and non-native people are doing at the Standing Rock Reservation. They are fighting for their land and our land.  They are fighting for their water and our water.  They are fighting for our combined freedom. 

Much is at stake and at risk, as new and old ideas swirl together into fall. The snow is coming. Take action now.  Stay informed. Stay involved.  Voice your opinion, with respect to all.  Pray, demonstrate, sign petitions, write letters, call, email, and support those causes most dear to you. Energy flows where action goes.

The leaves will soon be guided to their destination.  Are you ready?

Susan J. McFarland

October 2016

The Adventure of Violet Sophia

The Adventure of Violet Sophia

In the backyard, on a beautiful summer day, a girl sat with her cat and a box of crayons. Distracted by the excitement of birds fluttering and bees bumbling, the girl and the cat jumped up from the patio table, unintentionally knocking over the box of crayons.  This is where our story begins.  

“Ouch," Red cried out, “that hurts”.  “Move over," shouted Yellow, “you are in my space.”  Green replied, “It’s ok, you can be next to me”.  Orange spoke next, “I have a creative solution”.  Violet Sophia listened intently.  She didn’t say a word, too scared and nervous to speak her mind.  “What’s that?” Blue inquired.  

Orange then suggested that they leave their home, the Crayon Box, and head out to explore a new and exciting world.  Most crayons were disturbed by this idea.  They couldn’t leave their home.  They have always been in this Box.  It was comfortable.  It was secure.  They knew their place.  They understood the expectation in the Box.  Outside of the Box was frightening.  Who knows what lies beyond these walls?

“Let’s do it,” yelled Yellow.  “I’m in," Green agreed.  Blue nodded in consent.  

Violet thought, “Should I go too?  These are my friends. I don’t want to leave them.”  An adventure sounded cool.  Yet, little Violet Sophia was afraid inside, very afraid.  She didn’t like new experiences.  She liked her routine.  She was anxious over meeting new crayons, and besides loud noises and stinky smells made her nervous.  Red pushed through the crowd and screamed, “Let’s roll”.  

They were off, rolling across the table, down to the chair and onto the deck.

Red was first, followed by Orange, then Yellow.  Green and Blue lined up behind them.  “Violet are you coming?”, asked Green, concerned for the little crayon.  Violet hesitated, then in one quick move, she decided to roll. Off they went into the unknown world of the backyard.

What the friends didn’t know, that silently and quietly two crayons followed them, White and Black.  Now White and Black, were interesting, maybe the most unique crayons in the Box.  White was very unassuming.  One never knows when White is around.  White is silent.  White is unseen.  Yet, White is always there.  White is helping and assisting, without the knowledge of others.  Now Black is the opposite.  Black is bold.  Black never hides.  Black is strong, powerful, and mysterious. Because of this, the other colors are often scared of Black.  Black doesn’t understand why, as Black is just being Black.  Black likes to take risks.  Together, Black and White, head out with their friends on their journey.

Red commands, “Follow me.”  The group rolls along.  Black speaks up,”Let’s go this way.”  “What," Red asks, annoyed. “What are you dong here?”  “I’m the leader of this group. Can’t you just follow like the rest of the colors?”  

Orange agrees with Red.  Green wants them both to just get along.  Blue doesn’t really care which way they roll.  Yellow is admiring the sights and didn’t hear the conversation.  Violet Sophia speaks, quietly.

“I think Black is right.  I feel like we should go where Black thinks is best.

Black is bold, yet bright.  He may be dark, but I think his idea is good.”  “Are you crazy," pipes in Orange.  Yellow replies, “What, where are we going”.  Blue responds, “With Black, haven’t you been listening?”  Red shouts, “I’m not going anywhere with Black.  He’s reckless.”  Green tries to calm them all down.  “Take a deep breath and breathe in the fresh air.  Now, doesn’t everyone feel better,” soothes Green.

The group did feel better.  They all agreed with Violet Sophia’s wise and calm words.  They followed Black, even Red, who still wasn’t overly excited about not being the leader.    Orange spotted an oriole, and marveled at the beautiful coloring.  Yellow, noticed a field of sunflowers growing in the distance.  Green especially enjoyed rolling on the lush grass.  Blue just wanted to look up at the clear sky.  Red was thrilled by the brightness of the cardinal perched on the bird-feeder.  Little Violet Sophia, happy that she was courageous enough to conquer her fears and brave enough to voice her opinion, just laid back, looked around and gave “thanks” to the unknown.  Silently, White, keeping an eye on all of them, smiled.

Susan J. McFarland

May 2016

  

  

               

       

  

The Reality of the Rabbit Whole

The Reality of the Rabbit Whole

Magic happens in the Rabbit Whole.  You become giant or tiny.  You meet interesting characters.  You face your fears.  You realize your dreams.  You are alive in the Rabbit Whole.  Living in this reality, requires courage and a jump.  For to venture into the Rabbit Whole, one must release all hesitation and dive in with full force.  You can’t travel halfway into the Rabbit Whole, then decide to exit.  The Rabbit Whole is an all or nothing decision.  Once you have decided this is your fate, there is no turning back.  You can’t awaken to the Whole, then fall asleep again.  If the Whole is calling you and you answer it, you must continue on the path.

We live our lives in a time oriented and linear format.  The Rabbit Whole doesn’t subscribe to this order.  People, plans, schedules, and stuff fill up our time, leaving little space for the Rabbit Whole.  The Rabbit Whole is our time.  It is soul time.  It is sacred space. In facing the Rabbit Whole, we face ourselves.  The more segregated we are from our true identity, the harder it is to return to the Rabbit Whole.  

We exist in a fragmented society.  We are separated by geography, religion, politics, and physical structures, for example.  Technology is driving us further apart from others and from our own being.  The Rabbit Whole is harder to find and further away then ever before.  Yet, at the same time, it is right in front of us.  We only need to “look up”.  Sometimes we do trip into the Whole.  Often times, we are led there by an inner calling or knowing, from the depth of our spirit.

Finding the Rabbit Whole, diving into it, and exploring the depths helps you to gather the separated parts of yourself and become fully whole again.

This is a life journey, bringing back the scattered pieces that you left behind from this lifetime and others.  They are all a part of your Whole.  They all deserve your attention, support, and love.  The reality is you are a Whole being, but it takes determinnation and fortitude to discover this truth.

Susan J. McFarland

May 2016

Navigational Mindfulness

Navigational Mindfulness

In Michigan, Spring Break, occurring in late March or early April is a phenomenon.  Around the time of the Spring Equinox mass amounts of humanity vacate the northern world in pursuit of warmer temperatures, beaches, and spring flowers.  Traveling via car or plane can take you to sunny destinations within hours or days.  As a youth, the family spring break adventure was thrilling, as we traversed through mountainous landscapes and green hillsides, admiring the red dirt.  I wanted my children to have this same experience.

Times have changed.  We live in an era of technology, with access to any and all information within seconds.  Gone are the days of staring out the window admiring the unique landscapes and grazing cows. I still do this, because I am unable to read or view anything in a car, except the road ahead.  Yet, my two teenage daughters are heads down in movie players, iPads, iPhones, and DS3’s.  What are they missing as the miles roll forward?  What are we all missing as we become more and more engrossed in our devices and less and less aware of our surroundings both human and non-human?

Vacationing near the beach off the Florida Panhandle, gave me the time to think and contemplate the state of my world.  I sat on the porch off the master bedroom.   In a cozy rocking chair, I was mindful of the gecko, which was hanging out under the cushion.  Spending most of my week “device free” left me time to finish a book, draw a picture, take walks, and enjoy time with family.  I stopped reading and watching videos from the inspirational sites I frequent.  Checking Facebook or emails only a couple times of day left me less stressed and anxious.  

How could I incorporate this behavior into my life at home?  Could I give up knowing what everyone is doing? Could I give up the fear of not being connected?  Could I live without the latest news on the presidential election?  The answer is a resounding “yes”!  My meditation this week was on “routines” and which ones need adjusting?  This is definitely one that can be reviewed and reduced.  As I mindfully navigate myself back from Florida to Michigan, I’ll bring this new routine with me.  

Susan J. McFarland

April 2016

Your Business, Your World

Your Business, Your World

“A look at branding, marketing, and social media”

Business has changed in the past decade.  Not long ago, our business was locally focused.  Our costumers came to us, or if possible, we traveled to them.  There may have been an occasional phone call from a distant client, but for the most part business was centered in our immediate area.  With the expanse of the internet and technology, our business is the world.  With this altered direction in business, how do we adapt?  This article will address branding, marketing, and social media steps, for your business, in today’s digital world.

BRANDING/WEBSITE

The first step, after perhaps contacting a lawyer or the State Department of Licensing and Regulatory Affairs to officially register your business, is to design and create a website.  Your business has a name and so do you.  Your potential clients might not know the name of your new business, but they probably know your name.  The advice from successful Hay House authors and business people is to use your own name for your website.  Your business may change over the years, grow, and develop into something entirely different from where you began.  Vista Print is an on-line website service that is easy to use and cost friendly. In lieu of continuously changing the name of your website, and confusing customers, build your website under your name.  

DIGITAL NEWSLETTERS

Gone are the days of receiving, what we refer to in the business world, as “hardcopies”.  In the past, schools, churches, and businesses would send a newsletter in the mail with all the current happenings and updates.  This iconic service is soon to be a past remembrance.  Saving trees, time, and money, digital communication is faster, more efficient, and better for Mother Earth.  There are services such as Constant Contact that provide the designs and expertise, in order to create an eloquent newsletter, and miraculously send it to your clientele in significantly less time than creating, printing, and mailing hundreds of newsletters.  

WEBLOGS OR “BLOG”/SOCIAL MEDIA

A “blog” or “weblog” is a conversational website used to draw readers into your business and your world.  Similar to your business website, a BLOG would benefit, if it is in your personal name.  BLOG topics can change frequently, but your name stays the same.  At www.blogger.com, you can select a name, a design, and a format.  Once the BLOG is written, it can be easily shared with multiple social media sites such as:  Facebook, Twitter, Pinterest, and Google or emailed.  The BLOG can be written daily, weekly, monthly, or as desired to meet your business needs.    

The BLOG is useful as part of social media communication.  It is not necessary to have an active presence in all social media sites.  What is most beneficial is to select one or perhaps two sites. You can share with your customer base, what is happening in your business community.

ARTICLES/PUBLIC SPEAKING

Being available to your associates is easier than ever before.  As part of an integral community of professionals, you can share knowledge and information through articles and public speaking engagements.  Giving back your talents and time by sharing valuable insights allows you to develop and grow personally and professionally.  This enhances your career and helps to showcase your business.  Organizations are looking for educated professionals willing to gift their knowledge to members, both in person and on-line.    

COACHING/ON-LINE CLASSES

The phone has been with us for over one hundred years, becoming increasingly portable, convenient, and all-encompassing.  Calling across communities or across the world is easy, affordable, and efficient.  Our computers can even call, with images and information readily available. From “conference calls” to “webinars,” the sites available for these services are endless, helping facilitate teaching, learning, and counseling.  Whether for a fee or for free, this is a solid tool in your business world bucket.

As part of an expanding Universe, it is necessary for us to grow and develop along with it.  Utilizing the current electronic media sources will help to enlarge your business and your world. 

Susan worked twenty years as an international business woman after receiving degrees in Business Communication and Spanish from Michigan State.  

She is a Holistic Health Practitioner, HHP, an ordained minister, public speaker, and writer.  She is an Independent Business Owner, offering Nutrilite health products through Amway.  

She teaches clients holistic and spiritual living concepts.  She is available for articles, speaking engagements, and classes.

www.susanjmcfarland@yahoo.com

www.susanjmcfarland.com

www.susanjmcfarland.blogspot.com

www.amway.com/susanmcfarland

  

A Sense of Self

A Sense of Self

We are all sensitive.  We all have senses, from hearing sounds, to smelling aromas_, and tasting flavors.  We are inundated with senses, especially in today’s fast paced and high tech world.  Unaware of most senses, we lead our busy lives.  Even the highly recognizable senses, such as touch and sight, can flash by us if we aren’t aware.

Let’s take a moment, breathe in, and listen to the sounds, see the sights and smell the fragrance.  Connect.  Connect with your “sense of self”.

As a child, I was labeled shy and introverted.  Often I would escape the “world” on my bike, and head to the nearest creek, or woods, for “alone” time.  Not knowing, at the time, I was gaining a “sense of self”.  As I grew, comments such as “although you are quiet, you seem nice” or awards, like “basically bashful” were handed to me during my college years.

At work, I retreated to tasks I could do alone.  Large crowds, chaos, and noise were overwhelming to my senses.  I would shut down.  Watching shows or being with people in emotional upheaval would send me into tears, and drain my energy.  Can anyone relate?  What are some of your sensitivities?  

We all are sensitive, whether we are aware or not.  We may be empathetic or intuitive or both?  Our sensitive side comes from the heart, not the head.   As a society, we value mental capability.  As sensitives, we need to honor and protect our heart-centered self.  

Working in corporate America for twenty years as a sensitive was difficult.  In a highly stressful and highly mental position, I did not appreciate who I was, an introverted, empathetic, and sensitive soul.  The negative environment, with little time to process all the incoming data was detrimental to my spirit.  Health challenges, relationship problems, and self-abusive behaviors were the outcome.  Can anyone relate?   

Whether highly sensitive or slightly sensitive, knowing yourself and having a sense of who you are is key.  What works for one person, may not be beneficial for you.  In quiet time, connect with your inner being and determine what brings you the most comfort.  It may vary depending on the time or year or the season in your life.  At fifty, I find more solace in just being with myself.  As I age, my sensitivities increase.

Anxiety plagued my life and still does at times.  When I am in a large crowd, or a busy environment, I panic.  If I hear excessive noise, or toxic smells, I cringe, like the reaction to nails on a blackboard.  Talking to people I don't know, is frightening.  Yet, in our world, we must adapt.  Sitting in a cave in the woods, is not an option, as a mom of two teenage daughters.  I must go to unfamiliar places, meet strange people, and hang out in crowds.  This, I can’t control.    

So I control what I can.  My home is a sanctuary, in the woods.  It is clean and organized. I walk daily in nature, to calm and ground myself, while connecting with Mother Earth.  Listening to quiet music throughout the day soothes my spirit.  Meditating and praying remind me I am not alone, as I call in protection.  Avoiding most public media, I read motivational materials and watch uplifting videos.  Boundaries are set, and “no” is an acceptable word. My diet consists of healthy choices, with plenty of fresh fruits and veggies.  These are my choices.  This is what balances me. What brings a “sense of self” to you may be different.  People and noise may energize you?  Cities and new adventures might excite your spirit?  

What is important is having a “sense of self,” whatever that is for you?  Honor and respect your needs and desires.  Live your life for you.  Find your joy. As you discover or really, re-cover your “sense of self” your spirit will soar and your purpose will be fulfilled.

Susan J. McFarland

January, 2016

Engaging the Spiritual Art of Business

Engaging the Spiritual Art of Business

“Seven Practices for Your Holistic Career”

Like the rest of the world, business is changing.  “Busy-ness” and spirituality appear to be contradictions;  two concepts, seemingly, not compatible.  With the increasing high vibrational energies, what once was inconceivable is now possible, even in the world of business.

For twenty years, I lived in this world.  Success was measured in monetary value and balance in life was a dream.  Because of the high stress environment, my health and home suffered.  Internally, I was in pain; physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually.  Connecting to the outside world, and the requirements to exist in this environment, left me drained and empty. Listening to the tiny inner voice, I ended my career and changed my path.

While starting a lifestyle business, centered on health, holistic-living, and spirituality I brought attributes and learnings from my previous accomplishments in corporate America.  The following seven practices are both business and spiritually oriented, blending the two separate worlds.  

1. Tune in
2. Think clear
3. Act mindful
4. Collaborate often
5. Measure results
6. Adjust frequently
7. Practice Joy

TUNE IN

The first practice, “Tune in,” is a spiritual tool that is critical in starting and running your holistic business.  If you are attune to the spiritual world you understand and know the importance of listening to your inner guidance.  In today’s world, where chaos reins, and quiet is hard to find, this is essential.  I placed this in the first position, because I believe it is the most important.  If we ignore our internal compass, and listen to outside influences, our business may never even start, and it certainly will not thrive.  Whether you tune in at the end of the day or first thing in the morning, it needs to be a practice; regular and consistent.  Ideally, tuning in can occur throughout a given day just by focusing on breath.

THINK CLEAR

With the influx of information in the current digital age, “Think clear” can be one of the hardest practices.  We are bombarded with messages and requests for our time and thoughts.  How do we even begin to think clearly?  It begins with the first step, listed above, which helps to quiet the mind.  For me, walking in nature is another way to stay grounded in reality.  Designate time to work on projects without interruptions.   Set boundaries with friends, family, and phones.  My phone is off by 8PM.  Mornings are my best time to work, so I dedicate this period for my plans that need clear thinking.  Know yourself and what works for you, then set your limits, and begin to clear the space for your thoughts.

ACT MINDFUL

Understanding yourself by dialing in, and reducing distractions to focus your mind will point you in the right direction, but action is key.  We have all heard, “Go with the Flow”.  I want to say, “Go and Flow”.  In corporate America, emphasis is placed on the action.  As an international business woman, I was rewarded on my actions that led to results.  What was happening internally or in my head was little concern to the bottom line, or so was the thinking at the time.  Action was king.

Mindful Action brings a holistic approach to the “go.”  Mindful action includes the previous steps, but involves moving.  Do something for your business every day.  Action is energy.  When energy moves it grows and expands, when it is stagnant, it withers.  Choosing mindful action for your business brings life to it.  Place an intention in your mind.  Incorporating the highest and greatest good, for the best outcome possible for all, adds the “mindful” element to the action.

COLLABORATE OFTEN

Holistically, we understand that everything is related and intertwined.  Nothing happens in a vacuum or solo.  The fourth practice involves “Collaboration”.  Collaborating with mentors, peers, and customers is vital in business.  Wisdoms gained, ideas shared, and feedback received helps to grow your business.  Meetings are frequent in the business world, for a reason, they facilitate collaboration.  In your own business, working with peers and mentors helps lessen your trials.  Listening to customer needs allows for fresh perspectives. Collaboration spiritually can be accomplished by calling on your guides and angels for help.  All beings of Light are here to offer assistance; all you need to do is ask.  

MEASURE RESULTS

Spiritually speaking, “Measuring results” is a hard topic.  In the business world, results are most often measured by financial success.  In a holistic business, money is not the focus, but because we live in a third dimensional world, it is important.  What I want to discuss here is the measuring aspect.  Reviewing and understanding the impact of your business is challenging when it is subjective and non-linear.  Often, you do not know the effect you have on a client or customer.  The healing may not be immediate or even in this lifetime.  Measure where you can, but know that following your heart and helping others is immeasurable.

ADJUST FREQUENTLY

Change is constant in business and life.  We talked about the action, now we will discuss flow.  Adjusting frequently is a standard concept in business.  There is no time to stagnate.  As a buyer merchandiser in the Toy business, adjustments were made to our selection every six months.  We made changes before the products hit the shelves.  Balance is key here.  In a spiritually oriented business, time is needed to “go within”.  Physical action does not take place until clarification is confirmed.  The challenge is, we may not receive such clarity, yet we need to act. Clear your mind, and check internally, but adjust as needed in order to benefit all.

PRACTICE JOY

Ultimately there is only One World, both of which include spiritual and business aspects.  Merging the two brings joy. Joy in knowing you are honoring your soul. Joy in knowing you are serving the greater good of humanity.  Joy in knowing you are fulfilling the will of Creator and Creation, as you create your business.
Practice Joy.


Susan J. McFarland
www.susanjmcfarland.com
www.amway.com/susanmcfarland
www.susanjmcfarland.blogspot.com
susanjmcfarland@yahoo.com

Susan worked twenty years as an international business woman after receiving degrees in Business Communications and Spanish from Michigan State.  She is a Holistic Health Practitioner, HHP, an ordained minister, and writer.
She is an Independent Business Owner, offering Nutrilite Health Products through Amway.
Susan teaches clients holistic and spiritual living guidelines.
She is available for talks and workshops.







     
   



 


 

Middle Parenting

Middle Parenting 

The middle of a child’s education, can come around ten to twelve years old, exactly the ages of my daughters.  One is in her last year of elementary, the other started middle school this fall.  Ending the elementary years and beginning the transition to middle school is a huge step for a child and parent.  My children leave the comfort of a small school in a tiny community and venture to a much larger environment.  This journey does not happen solo.  The child brings the parents with them.  Just as the child feels anxiety over the changing roles, so too, does the parent.  

Leaving the job of primary caregiver, the parent now serves a second-hand role. No longer is the parent the child’s foremost supporter.  The child now shares the responsibility of provider for themselves. They want independence, but on their own terms.  Navigating this path is difficult.  Knowing when to step back and when to step in can be tricky.  I am not one to step aside.  I am a doer. As an involved parent, I lead my children as they move through the education system.  

Letting them “take the lead” and “hold the reins” is scary business for a “control freak.”  Yet, it must be done.  If they fall, then they fall.  I will be there to pick them up and brush them off.  I want to ask, and nag and nag and ask, but that leads to frustration on both our parts.  If they ask, I will answer.  Firms boundaries must set be set, but room is made for the stumble.  Keep the connection strong, with attention given when needed.  Guiding when asked, is critical and essential, to the “middle parenting” years.

Susan J. McFarland

www.susanjmcfarland.com

susanjmcfarland@yahoo.com

September, 2015

Dog Gone It

Dog Gone It

I love cats.  Cats have been a part of my life since I was young, first Taffy, then Max and Nick, and now Licorice and Pearl.  I can’t imagine a life without my feline friends.  My daughter, on the other hand, loves dogs.  She connects with dogs at a level I do not.  Seeing the magic between her and any dog, I felt it was time to consider a dog for our family.

After watching friends and families with their pups, I began to visualize our life with a dog.  For months, I observed dog walkers on our path and in our small town.  Checking the Humane Society and shelters on-line to see if I connected with any canine companion became a favorite past-time.  We would walk the dog on our nature trail, snuggle with the dog in the evening and travel together to various locals around the State.  The cats would cuddle with the dog and they would be fast friends.  

My dear friend informed me of a little dog available about an hour away from our home at a “no kill” shelter.  At first I was going to visit the dog by myself, but as schedules would have it, the girls were available to join me.  The excited pooch was as eager to see us as we were to meet him.  He barked and jumped with enthusiasm.  My youngest child was so thrilled.  She ran and played with the cutie.  Although my oldest daughter was hesitant, we agreed to adopt him.

The next day, after purchasing all the necessary goods, we brought the three year old home.  The afternoon was busy, but good as we adjusted to life with a dog.  My reluctant daughter was away with friends for the day.  

As evening came, so did the fear.  The little sweetie could not settle down.  With my husband home, the anxiety amplified.  The dog began to bark, growl, and attack my husband every time he moved, walked, stood up or sat down.  My dog loving daughter became afraid.  

Apologies to any dog lover’s who thinks we “gave up” too soon, but we decided that this little one was not the best fit for our family.  With tears and a heavy heart we returned the dog to the shelter, feeling as if we failed the dog and ourselves.       

After more soul searching, my conclusion was as much as I wanted to “make” my daughter happy by providing her what she desired, I neglected to honor my own-self.  Dogs are great. Please don’t think I do not like dogs, but they are not for me.  I like dogs, I don’t love dogs.  I love cats.  Cats are independent, quiet and self-contained.  I love these attributes.  My point in writing this, is that we first need to understand and honor our own needs. You cannot “make” someone happy.  Nor can another person, animal or thing “make” you happy.  Happiness is internal, not external.  If you are not sure what brings you joy, find a quiet space, and “look within,”  the answers are always there.

Beyond the Surface

Change can be overwhelming.  Yet, change is constant.  My girls returned to school this week, one in middle school for the first time and the other in her last year of elementary. Leading up to the transition, we were nervous, anxious, and excited.  Feelings and emotions bubbled to the surface on a daily basis, most were not so pleasant.

The day before, as I searched for bus schedules and finalized lunch accounts, I became frustrated with computer issues and lack of information.  Overwhelmed with not accomplishing what I set out to do, I cried.  

Logically, I should not cry over a failed computer system or my inability to maneuver it.  On most days, I would have moved on easily and effortlessly, but not today.  I sat in my office, sobbing, with my cat on my lap, providing support.

I wasn’t crying over the unfinished tasks, I was crying over “loss,”; loss of my children’s innocence, loss of their need for me, loss of myself(as defined by my summer role).  Releasing that which no longer served me, helped me to deal with the change.

If only looking at the surface, my family would have thought I was crying over a silly inconvenience.  How often do we fail to look beyond the surface of what’s bothering our kids, our spouse, or even ourselves.  My children can be moody.  It may appear that their attitudes are due to a certain action or inaction on my part or others.  In reality, beyond the surface, their feelings and emotions are a reflection of the reality within themselves.  

In looking inward, I notice how my reaction is caused by my internal environment.  Depending on how I feel physically and mentally, dictates my feelings and emotions.  Looking beyond the surface of the problem, with love and compassion, we can delve deeper into the truer meaning behind the reaction.  In traveling beyond the surface, we can heal the true cause.

Susan J. McFarland

www.susanjmcfarland.com

susanjmcfarland@yahoo.com

An Open Floor Plan

An Open Floor Plan

I love watching shows on rebuilding, remodeling and decorating homes.  Homes are a reflection of our inner world.  The current trend involves opening up the floor plans of older homes, for seamless transitions, from one space to another.  Gone are the days of closed in, cut off, four-walled rooms, separated and isolated.  

In writing this, a law has passed, in my beloved State of Michigan, which discriminates against same-sex couples, in the arena of state funded adoptions.  An “open floor plan” means open to others, whether it is in the area of religious freedom or diversity of beliefs.  While I believe we are changing as a group, and our homes reflect this, our laws often mirror the ideas of others.

As we create an “open floor plan,” our thoughts expand, and our ideas change.  A new normal is developed.  This is happening with the environment.  Organic food was a fringe idea only a few years ago, but as a group, the desire for, and use of organic products is becoming common.  As individuals, we have the power of an “open floor plan,” by what we choose.  No matter the arena; environmental, animal rights, women’s issues or global awareness, we have a voice.  Our voice matters.  

We can choose to remain isolated and closed off in our own little space, as in the past.  Or instead, we can elect an “open floor plan” that is no longer divided and blocked.  We can create a “home” where there are no clear beginnings or endings in the space.  This space is free flowing and inviting.  

As we “open our floor plan,” we open ourselves.  The first step to an “open floor plan,” involves self-examination.  Forgiving, trusting and loving ourselves leads to loving others.  As the world moves forward, it is time for an “open floor plan”.  Imagine a space where you can come and go with ease, without judgment or discrimination, but only Love.

Hanging Out

Hanging Out

     Half of my family was traveling last week, my husband in Italy working and my daughter enjoying her ten year trip with her grandparents.  It was an odd week, with less laundry to do and dinner to make.  My other daughter and I engaged in cultural activities, social gatherings and travel, yet there remained a certain amount of space in our lives to “hang out” with self.

My daughters used to have playdates, but now that they are older they have “hang outs”.  A “hang out” is being with someone for an extended period of time, possible doing and activity or not.  Last week I “hung out” with my oldest child, who is off to middle school, and soon won’t want to “hang out” with her mother.  We “hung out” with my Mom, who is almost eighty. I cherish every “hang out” I have with her these days.

Life can be busy at times with responsibilities, either real or imagined.  I used to have a high-stressed career in corporate America.  I chose to leave this life to “stay home” with my kids and to pursue my own dreams.

Relinquishing this part of me has opened up dormant areas of my life.  I have the “time” now to “hang out” with my kids.  As a “ultra sensitive” person I am intimately aware of their thoughts, feelings and emotions as they happen.  Being there for them during these critical growth years and guiding them through the challenges of life is my current “job”.  

Hanging out with myself used to scare me.  I feared being alone in a quiet room.  Over the last decade my career has been to “hang out” with myself.  To be there for me.  In the past, I dissociated myself from my feelings and emotions, burying them deep within my psyche.  I worked and played hard to the point of exhaustion.  My spirit, along with my physical body, had me stop and “hang out,” with myself, with my family, with my life.  

During these crazy days, make “hanging out” a priority.  Whether it is with family, friends or self, “hanging out” will offer you in the moment experiences, balance and ultimately love in your life.