Middle Parenting
The middle of a child’s education, can come around ten to twelve years old, exactly the ages of my daughters. One is in her last year of elementary, the other started middle school this fall. Ending the elementary years and beginning the transition to middle school is a huge step for a child and parent. My children leave the comfort of a small school in a tiny community and venture to a much larger environment. This journey does not happen solo. The child brings the parents with them. Just as the child feels anxiety over the changing roles, so too, does the parent.
Leaving the job of primary caregiver, the parent now serves a second-hand role. No longer is the parent the child’s foremost supporter. The child now shares the responsibility of provider for themselves. They want independence, but on their own terms. Navigating this path is difficult. Knowing when to step back and when to step in can be tricky. I am not one to step aside. I am a doer. As an involved parent, I lead my children as they move through the education system.
Letting them “take the lead” and “hold the reins” is scary business for a “control freak.” Yet, it must be done. If they fall, then they fall. I will be there to pick them up and brush them off. I want to ask, and nag and nag and ask, but that leads to frustration on both our parts. If they ask, I will answer. Firms boundaries must set be set, but room is made for the stumble. Keep the connection strong, with attention given when needed. Guiding when asked, is critical and essential, to the “middle parenting” years.
Susan J. McFarland
September, 2015
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